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Between February of this Year Until Now, Well ... Theres Been Alot to Say [05 Oct 2007|01:49pm]
[ mood | Chatty ]

Well alot really ...

Where do I start ? I have had one of the roughest times in my life. I cant explain fully and I know Im being vague but pretty much the life I was living was taken away from me cruelly and I was stabbed in the back by someone very dear to me. It's been months now having gotten thru that. I still think about it sometimes but I can only move forward from that. I know Im being vague but what Im sayin isnt something I can just shout to the world. But there is good stuff. I have started the new year with Orlando Ballet in August and it's been two months so far. I love it. I love coming there and working my ass off and continuously improving. I feel honored to be there,I really do. The new teacher Ms. Ivonne has chosen me for the new spring ballet Napoli. It's hard but Im excited she wanted me tho !!! Peter Stark the director invited me to take partnering which is reserved for only the upper levels but he felt that I was improving so he decided to reward me with another class to take !!! Hurray !!! I have also made a best friend for life now !!! Princess Mephisto AKA Erin Walsh !!! Im Lord Balthazor !!! Hurray !!! We are vulgar,filthy, opposites and we mesh absolutely perfectly !!! The nicknames are cuz we started this thing back in March when I first started at Einstein Bros. Bagels . We made in fun of the Star Wars fanatics and the Star Trek guys 2, so it eventually became our way of making fun of alot of crazy stuff and it has stuck !!! It's crazy but we love it !!! Wow so much change !!! Alot more to come of course. I am just happy I have so much to look forward to !!! I also am very glad I have met someone very special to me on LIVEJOURNAL , lol I know kinda crazy how that works but I love him very much. He is my Caveman and Im so excited to be starting something serious with him. It's been 10 months since we started talking !!! 10 MONTHS !!! that's crazy but it's good tho because we have had alot of UP's and DOWN's but we have gotten thru them all. Well enough of that before I get 2 mushy !!! I am seriously thinking of getting back into the very first story I have ever written but didnt complete because i got burned really badly from a flamer but my darling Adam which is my caveman, has inspired me to get back into it. Its funny how at first i was supporting his writing cuz he was a newbie when he started and now he has a fanbase on here !!! Which makes me jealous cuz they get very inappropraite with thei comments but what can I say Im a jealous kitty when it comes to him !!! He is the same way 2 so dont even think me crazy !!! But now he has given me the encouragement to do it again and I think I really want 2 !!! Well thats enough for now !! Until next time !!!




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Hardwork & Dedication - Original Date Posted June 24, 2007 [05 Oct 2007|01:48pm]
[ mood | Astounded ]

Orlando Ballet School - Hard Work and Dedication

So here's the deal folks ... I MADE IT INTO THE ORLANDO BALLET SCHOOL !!! Can u beileive that shit ? I mean they wont just take anyone who comes especially if ur older and alreayd have training !!! Im floored by it all really !!! I just finished a 3 week summer intenisve with them at The Patel Conservatory and it was amazing !!! Next year Im gonna do the 5 weeks program !!! For now Im jus gonna stay in shape and become more flexible and workout and Im also gonna take ballroom !!! Fun Fun Fun !!! My goal is to audition for "so you think you can dance" by next year !!! I have been training for it for almost 2 years now !!! AWWW CRAZY !!! I jus wanna go and give it a shot !!! Why not ? It seems like fun and to me and thats the main reason why I wanna do it !!!! Plus every Blake graduate who has done it only made it to Las Vegas and I wanna be the first to make the Top 20 !!! Im just so thankful for being able to keep doing what I love and to keep pushing myself and my hardwork and dedication will pay off !!! It obviously has with Orlando Ballet !!! Anywayz till next time !!!


A Grateful Jay


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Just a little bit of fairy dust - Original Date Posted February 11, 2007 [05 Oct 2007|01:45pm]
[ mood | Grateful ]

Well I certaintly belive in fairies !!!

The fairies from Pixie Hollow in Never Land decided to pay my Alex and Lily a visit 2 nights ago !!! They left them Barbie shoes, accesories, purses, hats, clothes and new dolls !!! Not 2 mention fairies for Lily and Pokemon action figures for Alex !!! It was the most amazing thing ever when they woke up in the morning and realized they had new goodies !!! Not 2 mention there was fairy dust everywhere !!! Which made it all the more magical !!! They were so shocked and pleased !!! Me and Helene spent all night setting the stuff up for them !!! I even wrote a letter from Queen Clarion, The Queen of the Fairies !!! It basically told them they had been good and they desereved a treat !!! Also that Tinkerbell was watching over them no matter what !!! I made sure Helene saved the letter !!! I know one day I will do that for my kids !!! She's such a great example of a mother who wants to give her kids a full and rich childhood ... Im actually tearing up writing this , because in a sense she's given back a piece of my childhood that I never had and lost such a long time ago . Thank U God for Helene !!! I never thought I could find myself in the joy and luaghter in children . It really is a wonderful thing. With fairies u can never go wrong. There will always be magic in our home .




PS- I love my Lily and Alex !!! Today I introduced Lily as my lil sis and she didn't protest and didn't say a word she jus acted as if that were the most natural thing in the world !!! It made me so happy inside that I nearly burst !!! Normally she will correct me when I call Helen, Mom or will say Im not ur sister !!! But this time she was all natural !!! lol It makes me all warm inside to know that I actually have a brother and sister. Now I really can't say Im an only child anymore !!! Yay !!!

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Dewdrops in My Garden - Original Date Posted February 4, 2007 [05 Oct 2007|01:39pm]
[ mood | Out of This World ]

This Passion of mine ... is a ferocious garden thats a drop of eden and 5 tons of beauty and love. Residing in the Tokyo nights. Full of Toki Doki make-up and my " Euterpe" Utada Hikaru. It's strong and whimisical and has a chunk of life in the south and and a whole slice of courage in the north. It holds my dreams in it's willowy branches and a soft caress of water that easily flows. FLOW - a flowing full fruitnfullness flow that seeks out life and gives nourishment to my long starry nights of endless dances full of X-treme Passion and the excorcisms of my habitual demons. That Notre Dame kinda sanctuary - a place where I can say to god "I know Im just a Homo and that my prayer shouldnt count, but I cant help but wanna glue u 2 my side" Someplace in children's hearts and in long lost hopes and dreams. I can't help myself because -- Oh God see how my passion grows so high and mighty !!! Thru Ireland and France and England and Spain and Italy. All those places were Prince Charmings with a great accent and even greater heart reside !!! Maybe If I plant a seed of carefree it will grow into something, something like compassion or maybe even tenderness , I would climb so damn high and fast up those vines and ask God himself to grant me peace of mind and heart !!! I wanna find green, green, eyes that roll like the hills and a smile that makes fireflies seem dull . Maybe , jus maybe I can find it in a man or even better maybe I will find that goofy daffodil or that dainty dasiy or a wild tropical bird of paradise all within the confines of my battered but sturdy walls of my heart. It just needs some sunshine, love, and dance. My passion, like a secret garden blossoming forth with it's unwinding petals. Raining down on me slowly, the sakura drops are heaven.


Crown Prince Jay Alonzo Virella

of Love, Beauty and Secret Gardens


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My Chickadees - Original Date Posted January 17, 2007 [05 Oct 2007|01:38pm]
[ mood | Motherly ]

My Babies are the bestest !!!

Ur probably wondering who Im talking bout right ? Well my babies are my babies at the dance studio !!! Ever since I first came 2 the Atlanta Festival Ballet, I made friends with all the little kids first and plus I was there all the time so I got 2 see them all the time 2 !!! Well by this point now ALL the kids know who I am !!! By Im alot closer to only a special few kids !!! My first baby, Rhianna is incredibly, unbeilievably wild and energetic !!! She really is a little diva demon !!! She's 6 and sooo funny !!! My other 2 special babies are Alex and Lily !!! Alex is so cute !!! He's 9 and he's jus a big ol' ball of cuteness !!! He is always collecting little stuff and jus loves smackies !!! He's very sweet and sensitive 2 !!! Lily is 6 and she is jus The Princess !!! No one else but her !!! She's all into fairies and fashion and dress up !!! She's the fiery-fesity one !!! Then there's the Drake grls !!! Love them !!! They are both quite and sweet and nice !!! Incredibly exotic and jus so sweet !!! Jenna is 6 and she's such a little sweetheart and shes all dimples and shy !!! Megan is 9 and shes a go-getter and she's very goofy at times and very funny !!!

Those are my main squeezies !!! But my other babies who I love are all at Atlanta Festival !!! I jus love my babies cuz it helps keep my inner child alive and they all make me happy beyond belief and plus it's great practice for when I become a Daddy of like 12 kids !!! I want 8 boys and 4 grls !!! They will all be adopted from a diffrent country of course !!! I want a new age family for sure !!! lol any hoot ------------- I jus wanted to express my love for my babies !!! Love them all !!!

Lovingly from,

Big Brother


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This Time It's 4 U - Original Date Posted January 7, 2007 [05 Oct 2007|01:36pm]
[ mood | Full ]

It's All 4 U !!!

its all for u !!! Yes U !! lol Its no longer about me its about u !!! Its about how I can help u and its all about how I can be there for u and Its all about how I can give u love and respect !!! I may have been selfish and I may have been inconsiderate and I might have been a bitchy brat but this time it's all for u !!! Im gonna love more and this time Im gonna give soooooooooooo much more !!! I want only love and compassion for u !!! this time its gonna be different !!! and im sory if u have ever felt I wronged u because I probably did - then this heart and kind compassion is for u !!! if u are reading this dont think this is just for one person because its not !! its for all my friends and family and mentors and lovers !!! lol im giving up on hate and hurt and Im giving up on anger and bitterness so this time it's all about u !!!




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My Christmas/Freedom/Love/New Year's Epiphany - Original Date Posted December 15, 2006 [05 Oct 2007|01:35pm]
My Christmas/Freedom/Love/New Year's Epiphany


yes !!! I have had my epiphany for the year !!! the best kind ever !!! I dont need love !!! I dont need a man's love to make me feel free !!! I need my friends and I need my family !!! Yes !!! YES YES YES !!! lol I feel so refreshed and full of happiness !!! I have been searching for Prince Charming when something better has dawned upon me ... MY Royal Princesses and Queens !!! yay !!! I would rather grow old and have no children and be alone for all my days but have my friends for life than have a husband and kids but no real friends or family !!! I plan 2 make my connections with my friends even stronger and the ties with my family even stronger !!! Its seems funny that such a great movie could do that 2 me !!! The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants !!! lol seems dumb but I cant wait to get all the books !!! Im so excited !!! I just want to say now and forever that IM BACK !!! lol I am !!! Im happy and so full joy and jus plain enthusiasm for life and now I wanna look onto everything with a new perspective !!! I was losing myself in the hype of everything around me but now Im stepping back and Im jumping back in !!!


I also want to thank:

Coli: I luv u soooooooooooooo much no one in the world will always be my crazy bitch like u !!! I cant wait till I come back 2 C U again my explosive poonani slave !!!

Mihanda: Im so glad ur adventuring into college life and being all u and doing what u do !!! we are miles apart but ur still one of my most fav grls ever !!! picnics = luv

Jessicaaaaaaaa: Ur so amazing and our times together I hope will only become more and more . U dont have to know someone for long to know ur in love !!! U 2 CoLi !!!

Leia: U are my babe for life ... end of discussion. Miles apart but hunny we still rolling hard and strong and Im gonna keeping on being NASTY with u !!!

Tommy & Selina: My smart and Wily ones. Ur Fabs and Im glad I luv u sooooooo !!! Till next time dears !!! Our adventures are priceless !!!

Queen Victoria: Ur my Queen Im ur Prince what else is there 2 say !!! Miles apart but hunny fabulous royalty couture like us never fade or grow apart !!!

Yanna & Marion & Yoshi: My Spanish grls forever !!! dont cha know u guys are the bomb diggity and I will always luv u guys for all our great adventures and endeavors !!! like totally for sure, all my grls are worth dieing for !!!

Karen & Jamie : U grls have been nothing but fun and caring and always thinking about me as well Im thinking of U !!! I know u guys are the greatest grls who know how 2 have a good time !!!

Bridgette & Sahara & Snuggly Bunny: u guys are what my nutcracker is all about ... and I think grls who can be the leaves in waltz, the white senorita and the lone harem grl are worth my love !!!

Karina: My Ballroom heart and soul is with u. Thanks 4 everything ... who knows maybe next year there might be a chance for classes 2 come together again, but when they do come around Baby Im taking the lead !!!

Dani: My BIG SISSY !!! U Gave me hope when I had none and u continue 2 do so !!! When I know My hand has convulsions u will always be there 2 smack it down !!! My funky ballerina !!!

GiGi: U kno I adore u 2 DEATH !!! Seriously like u are my luvvy luvvy !!! Who else can freak out on u about having continuous cramps and give the most over the top sensual bows or scream at the mirror cuz they thought they saw Mr.aaron !!! I luv u for EVERYTHING !!!

Helene: My secondary mother who has taken me in showed me luv,life and compassion !!! ur generosity and caring knows no bounds !!! I dont think I would have made it this long without U and I know that Im not someone u have been particularly happy with lately nor do u ever really wanna see me again ... but that doesnt change the fact that I luv u and ur family to death. Without ur families love and support I dont think I would be here. In all honesty, thanks ... thanks for taking a chance on a know it all kid with a fat big head and an even fatter ass !!! I love U !!!

Mom & Rafy : I luv u guys for being my parents that u have always been and u never stopped supporting me and u continue 2 do so. I think I a Thank U is owed big times 2 u two !!! Love u bOTH !!!

Dad & Tara : U guys all have been wonderful and have kept me fed and well stocked with goods. I think I owe u a big Thank U 2 !!! U guys have jus been there !!! Love U Both !!!

Lizzie & The Ferguson Family: I luv u unconditionally and ur my lil sis 4 life !!! so get used 2 it !!! Jen Jen, Mils, Ali, Daniel and Ms.Ferguson ur so wonderful 2, ya know that !!!!

The Boys: I dont think I can ever have as much fun as I have with U Guys !!! Ur fucking CRAZY !!! U BITCHES !!! LUV U ALL 2 DEATH MUTHFUCKAS !!! U know who u are my summer A.F.B studs !!! Ur fucking wonderful !!!

Studio Parents: U know who u are !!! U have been so wonderful and jus a great support 2 me and I truly am thankful for all ur honest help and love !!! Thanks for being there !!!

Matt & Whitney: U guys have been so loving and helpful and nothing but honest and jus plain amazing 2 me !!! I can always have fun with u guys and I can always be myself when ur around !!! MY BIG BRO AND SIS !!!

Janay: U are the bluntest bitch ever and ... I luv it so dont ever change my crazy luva grl !!!

Wings & Things Grls: Paige, Angel, Krysta, Danielle = good times and LOVE !!!

Wings & Things Boys: Luke, Adam, Timmy = A SHIT LOAD OF FUN

Whitneys Family: David, Chelsea, Ms.Gail = fabuloso great times and lots and lots of luv

THE END ... for now lol *smooch*


A Jubilantly Joyous Jay

Infinte xoxoxoxoxox's
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Im Femm ? Then Go F*ck Urself C*nt Face !!! - Original Date Posted November 29, 2006 [05 Oct 2007|01:33pm]
[ mood | Irate ]


I cant stand dum ass people who try to define people based on stupid sex orientated beliefs !!! Like honestly what defines a man and what defines a woman ? lipstick and sports or personality and actions ? lets face it gender straight jacketing is RAMPANT !!! Im so tired of people trying to tell me what to do based on my sex or someone trying to tell someone else that is not lady like or proper what grls do !!! WHATEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP !!! If people would think for themselves and realize that "gender behavior" is usually just based on stupid prenotions and beliefs on what a man should and what a woman should do !!! LADIES --- You are worth more than the apperance of your physical self !!! MEN --- You have feelings and emotions so open up your fucking mouths and speak !!! U are allowed a range of emotions other than just happy or mad !!! I also dont like how gay people do it 2 !!! Like I dont like femms or Im not into butchy guys !!! shut the fuck up u cunt face !!! whatever obviously they are basing there opinions based on stupid media projected ideas of what femm and butch is !!! Gay people get it together and wise the fuck up !!! Its one thing to know what u like in another guy but another thing if u wont even give the time of day to people who dont match what u like !!! so what !!! and this also applys to the heteros 2 !!! If anyone who reads this blog doesnt like what I have 2 say or disagrees then shut the fuck and go bitch somewhere else cuz I dont give a shit if ur gonna try to diagree and put me down !!! Im an opinionated male feminist who beileves in equality and truth for both sexes !!! so ........ SHOVE IT !!!

THANKS !~!~!




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My Heart Breaks for a Non-Existant Love - Original Date Posted November 30, 2006 [05 Oct 2007|01:31pm]
[ mood | Lonely ]

My heart breaks everytime I think about my love life ...so depressing. Let me just say I can never get a good guy and when I got one he goes and dies in Huricane Katrina ... It sounds so nonchalant of me to say that but it's the only way for me 2 move on and not hurt. It's funny (lol) .... to think that I am ok. Im not I jus pretend I am. I am told repeatedly that I am beautiful and sexy and that I am sweet and funny and just a great desirabel person but ... so what ? I havent a boyfriend in forever and I can never find a great guy at all. It seems all gay men my age just want 2 fuck and party , love isnt on their list and if it is thats all they want. They want to love and be loved. They dont want to plan a future or nothing always just the here and now. Maybe it's me but I want to marry and have a family. I want the kind of things I never had growing up. It's so hard to move on from what I had when it was pure perfection. But fate has been so cruel 2 me when it comes to love. Every time I love it goes scorned or it gets taken away from me. There is one other guy who i went to school with but he probably thinks Im a selfish,vain,immature,irresponsible,airheaded fake bitch. I wish I could show him the real me but it seems like I choke up around him and all I can do is just be my goofy self. I cant ever find the words or strength to say "I love you'. It seems crazy but I always follow my heart and even though we have hanged out sporadically I know he jus wonderful. I jus wish he could see me. I may come off as strong but Im so fragile and Im so shy when it comes 2 boys. Im so quick 2 fall in love but I would feel terrible if I didnt follow my heart. I secretly love dit when he used to ask me 2 dance for everybody. I mean I normally would protest but secretly I love it. I always wanted a guy to love me and dance. That'sa big part of me. He would always ask me 2 dance I mean anything and he would jus ask cuz he loved watching me dance. It was something I have always dreamed of ... having a guy want 2 see me dance and love me for it. I know he may thinka ll those bad things about me but I loved dancing for him because I know that was the only time when I felt like I was loved or at least paid attention to when he saw me dance. He's stil in Fl and doing his thing but I wish that one day I could work up the courage to tell him that I have always loved him. lol I know so stupid 2 think such things cuz I know he never views me as anything more than enteratinment. I first fell in love with him when he told me his life story in the theater when we had a half day for FCAT lol !!! Kinda dum circumstances but that was the closest I have ever gotten 2 know him. I wish I could be the one to know so much more about him. I felt like his story was so much like mine and yet so diffrent. I wont dare say his name because Im 2 afraid of being rejected by him. I feel like dance is my everything and also my curse. It's because I dance that I have so little time looking for love and its because of dance that I have no real social life. I realize it now but it was never my parents resticting me but it was dance. The one thing I luv more than anything in the world has made me sacrifice so much but I know that no matter what happens that dance will always be there 4 me when the going gets tough. If there was one thing I could say to this guy I would say that I have loved you for long and all I ask is that u either reject me or accpet. so i can move on and not dwell on the past. I will make this promise though. When I see him again for our 10yr high school reunion I will tell him how I have felt for so long. thats onme promise I know I wont forget !!! its seems my heart will always break for a long lost loveor a non existant love. Im writing this now and I cant help but get all watery eyed. My first love had been my only love that I have ever experienced but yet I know it was a alasting love. We were gonna marry and raise a family. My life was his and I feel like a piece of me died with him . Hmm lol I know that I have been jumping all over the place instead of staying on one subject but Im jus venting things that have made me sad and make me hurt so bad. Well I can only leave it god's hands and ask that he give me strength.

Dreaming Big Dancing Hard Hurting Softly



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I MET CAMERON FROM ALL MY CHILDREN !!! -November 23, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:27pm]
[ mood | Bouncy ]

Omg so definetly I had a great weekend last week !!! I went camping for the 1st time on Saturday !!! I had like 7 or 8 BdLts !!!! AHHH !!! lol I was so mellow and relaxed it wasnt even funny !!! I was falling into splits and like falling into a straddle like nothing !!! I wasnt even warm nor had I even stretched !!! I just fell right into it !!! lol But it rained like towards the end and I froze 2 death !!! Then that sunday morning we had waffle house which was another first !!! Im sorry but what a disgusting poor example of the south !!! yuck I mean im from FL/NJ and thats like nothin south but it was just so crazy being in such a country place !!! then later on that day me and Karen hooked up and did some errands together !!! well we went to walmart and met Camron AKA Ryan from All My Children !!! OMg i didnt know who he was till Karen told me !!! She wanted to get his signature for her mom for christmas !!! and i figured i might as well so i did and he was sooooooo tall and sooooooo hott !!! really nice 2 !!! he flirted mercilessly with her lol and I almost forgot 2 get one for my ''sister" Jamie so they let me in when i started 2 beg and cry and he was really nice about it !!! luv him !!! we also bought frames for our pictures !!! mine is so nice and hanging on the wall !!! lmao wow what an amazing day cuz there was such a long line but Karen was such a trip and I couldnt stop laughin with her crazy ass around !!! we were like a bunch of fucking school grls when we met him !!! lmao so amazing cuz me and her were still jumping around with excitement afterwards !!! I luv U karen cuz u are just a brilliant combination of mess and love and ROTFLMAO !!! good times folks good times !!!




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From the Ashes ... Victory - October 16, 2005 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:26pm]
[ mood | Hopeful ]

Im always wondering about my futre if that makes any sense . Sometimes I doubt myself in dance . I have come a long way but it just isnt enough i have to push myself even more further and balance out all of my school work which is alot by the way . AP US History and Ap Literature , Dance Honors not just for ballet but for dance history honors too , Online Classes , College crap, pretty soon to be a job that i will have to start applying for by the end of october . I need hope lots of time when I dance I love dance so much and I coudlnt imagine my life without it ... but it's hard when you want to do so much but are held back by so much . I have this dream where I will dance at the purchase conservatory in NY. To be able to dance all day !!! I will become so good I know it !!! But for now I am just going to have to stay dedicated to my dreams and goals. I may not take class outside of school but I work twice as hard at school during dance !!! Especially Ballet because dance basically revolves around ballet.!!! I know I can do so much with dance I am so thankful that I have so many people who beileve in me and know that I can make it. I know it will be rough in the begining but anything that holds me back wont hold me back for long. Whatever doesnt break me shall make me . I have high hopes it will take alot of pain and sacrifice but that's the life of a dancer. I could never forgive myself if I didnt even try to pursue my dreams. I have hope and I will always hold onto it . My hopes will one day come into realization and will no longer be just a dream but become a reality.

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Walking & Dancing In the Rain - Original Date Posted June 29, 2005 [05 Oct 2007|01:22pm]
[ mood | Contemplative ]

Forword: I know this isnt going with order of things but I realized I had some earlier blogs so jus a few more of the out of sequence ones then back to the order. Thanks enjoy !!!

Its raining in NJ now , Im here for the summer . I recently took a walk in the rain and it was cool and I listened to Vanessa Carlton's Harmonium . I have been seriously contemplating Life and its many wonders and its many pitfalls but I realize that is what makes LIFE and I have been down lately from the fact is that my life is going by fast and but My childish innocence has been holding me back from growing. Its now that I realize that being childlike is not a solution to any problem and that I must forsake myself .... I will have to get rid of my dreaming self but i didnt just walk in the rain . When I heard Vanessa her music stirs inside me something so primitive and something so wondrous that cant be contained ... dance . I danced down the street and I ran through puddles and I played in the rain I did not give a whim as to what people were thinking when they saw my crazy self. I felt free and then i realized being true to yourself is whats best in life and never changing for No one . My innocence is a blessing its what keeps me going on my ability to dream and hold out for something better . Thats truth for me I dont have to be Naive but I can be smart and still retain my childlike enthusiasm !!! Never give up on a dream and never give up on yourself , becuase things in Life will make you or break you , for me they shape me to be who I am today . But will it do the same for you ? Something to think about ...

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Another's Dream Becomes with My Own - October 19, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:20pm]
[ mood | Refreshed ]

Jus the other day I spoke 2 my mother over the phone and it was the usual "I luv u and miss u" stuff but then she told how everone back at home in FL is constantly asking for me and constantly cheering me on. Who da thunk ? (in honor of Hayleys bad grammar lol) The people from the Kingdom Hall, which is what Jehovah Witnesses call church; have been supposedly asking about me and asking when Im going to come see them again !!! Mind you I have been forced to attend that Kingdom Hall since 7th grade !!! I used 2 think nastily about it and say things in pure spite and anger towards the people and my mother but in reality I hate to admit this but it has helped me become a better person !!! It's because of the values and morals and principles that they teach has rubbed off on me !!! Universal things such as compassion, passion, kindness, courteous, tenderness, dedication, hardworking , courage, persistance and above all else love !!! Its so funny to think I used to hate it !!! I mean I dont agree with alot of stuff they teach but now that Im on my own I do appreciate the things I have learned !!! Well anywayz sorry 2 get off track but theirs this one sister from the kingdom hall who told my mom 2 tell me that she wanted to be a dancer but Life and its harsh realities got in the way and so she didnt pursue it and gave up on her dream ... but she said that 2 tell my mother that I AM LIVING HER DREAM !!! OMG 2 know that someone beileves in me that much and 2 know that I am living the dream of another woman who gave up on hers and who probably regrets making "logical and life " decisions is just touching and confusing and pure all at once. Now that I know I have the ability to inspire the young ones (check out one of my blogs about "a humbling experience") and the ability to have another live thru my accomplishments and how I can inspire and ease the heartache of another soul who has lost their dream, I know that I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON MY DREAM !!! NEVER !!! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS AND NO MATTER WHAT TRYS 2 STOP ME !!! NEVER !!! God willing he keeps me in his graces and keeps me safe and smart and protected in his ever watching care !!!




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A Humbling Experience Indeed - October 28, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:19pm]
[ mood | Happy ]

I had such an intense humbling experience about a week ago I just totally forgot about it !!! Last Saturday our company had to do a demo for this Elementary school like 40 minutes away and we had 2 dance on concrete !!! AHHHHH !!! I know we all didnt want to do it and we all were like this sucks !!! But Once we performed though I mean it was wonderful !!! We danced outside on a little reserved area on concrete outside but it was beautiful weather and the sun really made our costumes look wonderful !!! So I danced the the Spanish Dance from The Nutcracker and me and my partner Jennifer did pretty good !!! But what made it all worthwhile was because at the end of the performance all the little kids wanted to meet us and shake our hands !!! Can u beileve it ? Here we were being all negative about it and thought no one would even watch us with a freaking dunking booth and all kinds of fair stuff around us but there was a hug crowd drawn in !!! WOW !!! It was touching to have the little kids love us and shaking our hands and then when we were done and ready 2 go the kids all went to the little 'stage area" and started to pretend to be us !!! They were dancing around trying to be dancers like us !!! OMG It just inspires me so much 2 know that I helped do that for a child give what I was given ... The Gift of Dance !!! What an amazing and humbling experience !!! It just makes me want 2 work ten time harder at everything and anything I do especially Dance !!!




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Henry County Arts Festival - October 25, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:17pm]
[ mood | Artsy ]

Henry County Art Festival

I went to this amazing Art Festival on Sunday !!! It was really fantastic !!! There was mixed media, photography, paintings, woodwork, pottery, ceramics, glasswork, and jewelry !!! I had never seen so many beautiful things in my life it was like showing me a piece of NY's artists and muesums !!! It reminded me so much of home !!! It was such an inspiration as well 2 have seen something in The Arts other than Dance, something 2 refresh my soul and and keep my love for all the arts strong !!! I love human iimagination and creativity !!! God Bless the Human spirit for passion and ingenuity !!!




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Memories Galore - October 22, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:14pm]
[ mood | Thoughtful ]

I have so many meories where do I start ?

Hmmm .... I remeber when:

- I used to dance around with a really big sweater of mine when I was little pretending I was princess aurora from sleeping beauty. i used to do it at school during recess cuz i didnt have any friends so i would always kinds go off on my own and do my own thing.

- I used to run away to the baseball field in elementary school which was a forbidden area for us to go. I used to go there and go under the giant stone podium and have tea partys with the lowers, birds, trees and the sun. I used to go there alot and read 2 because kids would throw stones at me and call me Fag and really mean names like that so I jus ran away from there in a place where no kid dared go.

- I remeber going to the cherry blossom park when I was little and falling in love with them. It was beautiful to see all the petals flying around. I used to remeber trying to catch them and run around as they flew about me.

- I remeber when I was in 6th or 7th grade that it was raining one day ona saturday so I made a tent in the little corner of my room and had my little lamp which lit everything dimly. It was such a serene setting and very comfy. It was when the first or second harry potter book came out 2 !!!

- I remeber how in dance I was so bad !!! Well in 7th grade I was excused to go to the bathroom so I went the long way and went to the bathroom by the music deptartment and after i went I noticed a bush full of berries and i took some and put it in my ballet shoe and tip toed back so I wouldnt squish them. When we went across the floor to do kicks my shoe flew off and the berries flew everywhere and everyone was like wtf !!! lmao it was so funny and it was just so random !!!

-One time I was eating someone else doritos on the grls dressing room cuz i was hungry !!! so i was snacking on erica denisons chips and they walked in on me and they caught me !!! lol i tryed to hide it but i had crumbs all over my face and there was still food in my mouth !!!! lol oh lord !!! shes still my friend to this day and we always laugh about it !!!

-I remeber in 9th or 10th grade year, we had a combined class with Ms.Banks and I was trying to dare Julia to do something crazy cuz we always got bored easily in ms,banks and she was a crazy bitch !!! So i asked Julia if she dared me to get possesed in the middle of the combination and she said yes !! so im going acroos the floor and I got possesed and I dropped to the floor and started to convulse !!! and then i got up and was like HES COMING FOR YOU !!! LMAO she gave me a zero for the day but she thought i really died !!! lol everyone always rembers that story !!!!

- I rember Ms.Banks one time gave me a shirt for christmas because I used to come to dance like literally half naked with nothing on !!! so one day she kept trying me and this was when the hulk had come out in theaters so i told her YOU DONT WANT TO SEE ME WHEN I GET MAD !!! and then i took the shirt she gave me and ripped it in half and threw it at her !!! lol omg i was so bad !!!

- I remeber one time I was skipping class and i ran away to the theater and I explored the entire theater and walked the cat walk while there was aclass going on down there !!! lol people where wondering what that noice was !!!

- I remeber one time on superhero day at school everyone had dressed up but me so when people would ask me what i was I would tell them the invisible woman and take off my pants ans shirt and be in nothing but my short shirts and no shirt !!! lol

Many more memories 2 come there just 2 many !!!

Holla at me and if u got some let me know and I will remeber them and add them !!! But they have to involve me in some way !! Thats the rule !!!




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Oh My Childish Ways - October 21,2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:13pm]
[ mood | Jubilant ]

I love my childish ways like without a doubt. I have carefree innocence and exuberance !!! I always wanna have fun till the day I die !!!

I mean you havent lived life till you have ......

-Danced in The Rain

-Splashed in The Puddles

- Followed a Butterfly

-Caught a Firefly in Your Hand

-Picked Wild Flowers

-Combed your hair with a fork (in honor of the little mermaid)

-Had a teaparty with the flowers, birds, trees and sunshine

-Played dress up

-Make snow angels

-Get in a snowball fight

-Build a snowman

-Caught a raindrop or snowflake with your tongue

-Baked a cake or something like that for someone

-Played Hopscotch

-Drawn on the sidewalk with chalk

-Play clapping games like Ms.Mary Mack or Patty Cake

-Went exploring in your attic or basement

-Blow Bubbles

-Splash around in the Tub

-Sit down and Listen to the stories from your elders

-Have Hot Cocoa by a fireplace

-Get into a tickle fight

-Get into a pillow fight

-Have a slumber party or go to one

-Dancing around in your room having a karoke moment while pretending ur on stage performing

That's all The one's I can think of but have any suggestions ? Holla at me then !!!




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Top 10 Reasons to Date a Dancer - October 12, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:11pm]
[ mood | Naughty ]

The Top Ten Reasons to Date a Dancer:

1. Gorgeous Fit Bodys

2. Graceful

3. Will make you look good on a dance floor

4. Knows how to get down to any kind of music at any kind of scene

5. They take care of themselves physically so you wont have to worry about them getting out of shape

6. Can give be your private dancer for free

7. Can move in ways that you never knew possible ... in and out of the bedroom

8. Passionate and Hardworking and Dedicated

9. High Tolerance to pain making them great for Ruff love making

10. Because they are the athletes of God making them beautiful angels




PS- I made that up all on my own !!!

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Amazing Quotes - October 10, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:09pm]
[ mood | Inspired ]

Amazing Quotes :

"There are shortcuts to happiness and dance is one of them " - Vicki Baum

"The truest expression of a people is in it's dance and in it's music. Bodies never lie." - Agnes de Mille

"Dancers are the athletes of God'' - Albert Einstein

"Dancing is like dreaming with your feet!" - Constanze

"I do not know beneath what sky nor on what seas shall be thy fate; I only know it shall be high, I only know it shall be great."- Richard Howley

"Every champion was once a rookie!" - Author unknown

"One person practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred preaching it." - Knute Rockne

"You never really lose till you stop trying." - Mike Ditka

"Dream as though you'll live forever.Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

"There is nothing like a dream to create a future." - Victor Hugo

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in High Heels." - Faith Whittlesey

"Dance is the only art of which we are ourselves are the stuff of which it is made." - Ted Shawn

" You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart" - Author Unknown

"Dreams are the touch stones of our character" - Henry David Thoreau

"If one dream should fall and break into a thouasand pieces, never be afraid to pick up one of those pieces and begin again." - Flavia Weedn

"Dreams come a size too big so that we can grow into them." - Josie Bisset

" I dont want people who want to dance but people who have to dance." - George Balanchine

"It takes an athlete to dance but an artist to be a dancer." - Shanna LaFleur

"Nobody cares if you cant dance well. Just get up and dance." -- Dave Barry

"We are fool whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance." --Japanese Proverb

"There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.' -- Edwin Denby

"Kids: They dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music."

"How can we know the dancer from the dance?" - William Butler Yeats

"From the Ashes ...Victory!" -- The Phoenix

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If I could melt your cold, cold heart - October 9, 2006 Original Date Posted [05 Oct 2007|01:06pm]
[ mood | Defrosted ]

Im starting to melt ...

My heart was this cold barren wasteland. With walls of icy brick fortifications that have slowly started to melt down. Things in my everyday life that bring me joy have been taken for granted and it has slowly dawned upon me like the syrupy warmth of the sun that life is 2 short. Im here to dance. Im here to dance. Im here to dance till the world comes crashing down. It has taken me so long to finally show emotion on the outside, to feel hurt and compassion for another soul, to cry out in pain for someone else's agony like it was my own. I didn't realize it until I thought about my lil "sister" and how she has lost her father and it has only been one year. The shit she has to put up with and the way she stays strong for herself and other people only pushes me to be stronger. This amazing man I met the other day who had me from the first hello !!! He lost his daughter when she was only 12 and it has been about a year and he stays so strong for his family but I sense that on the inside he needs something but I cant put my finger on it, hopefully god will bless him and keep him stong.

Finally Im warming up to life and it many blessings.




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